Closer To 40 Than 30…
36. Feels different than other years. Definitely closer to 40 than 30. Where did the year go? Last year on my birthday I was in Brazil, celebrating with one of my best friends in a country I had always wanted to explore. A lot has happened since then. Like any year, there has been good and bad. Probably the biggest accomplishment was finally passing my dietitian license. Not being able to pass along with my colleagues created a whirlwind downfall in my self- esteem and took a huge toll on most, if not all of my relationships with all human beings. So if you were one of those people, thank you for sticking around as long as you did and if you did not stick around other than to view my Facebook page from time to time, I understand that as well.
At 36, I see myself becoming more settled in my friendships. There have been some friends who have faded into the background, or our lives have taken turns in different directions (which is okay, it is part of life), or, let’s face it…some friends I still love and we just have no time for each other, because of career obligations, babies, husbands, time differences…and the list goes on. Then, there are friends who have really shown me that no matter what direction they go, no matter what obligations they have, our friendship stays for the long haul. I can say I know what a solid friendship looks like and those friendships are not just people who are in my immediate vicinity. Some of them are friends in places other than Los Angeles.
At 36, I know what it is like to have a solid relationship with my family. My sister and I did not grow up close, but over the past few years, specifically this last one, we are much closer than ever before, and I love that. The texts and sharing of thoughts and opinions come much more fluidly than I ever thought they would. I am so grateful to have a relationship with her.
At 36, I know what it is like to really see my parents getting old. My mother and I talk every day, candidly, about pretty much anything. But sometimes her advice, while cute, can be very antiquated. She often forgets things or repeats herself. My father came to Los Angeles to visit me. There was no fighting, like in the past. He has quietly come to accept my life and has told me he loves me for who I am and only wants to see me happy. Time is too short to fight. I remember in 6th grade he took me to New York for the first time and we walked the entire city every day from morning til night. Now he comes to visit me and we cut our walks short when he gets tired.
At 36, but I feel like I am in better shape than I was at 30. I know what it feels like to feel good. I am okay with waking up and blending a green juice at breakfast time. I am okay with putting kale or some other greenery in almost every meal I have, because it makes my skin glow and I feel good and am overall a happier person when I eat healthy. It is also part of my job, but I love it, so I don’t mind that.
At 36, my weight is changing. People always say you get heavier as you age, but last time I weighed myself, I was 8 pounds lighter than this time last year. Unfortunately, I do feel like I am losing some muscle and I am not really too sure how that happened. Maybe I stopped caring so much about numbers on a scale? I have heard that when you stop worrying constantly about what you eat, sometimes you just naturally don’t hold onto weight as much. Maybe I stopped trying to shove extra protein down my throat? I know I used to be more of a late night eater and now I don’t do that as much. I also scaled way back on the long distance runs and brutal workouts. At 36, they have started to take a toll on my joints after all the years of pushing myself.
At 36, I know how to cultivate a normal relationship with a man. I know it sounds silly, but the relationships I had in my 20s were mostly frivolous and feel like a blur, and after that the last relationship was at age 30. I am not going to bad mouth him or the time we spent (incase he reads this!) but it was a long time ago, and I since then I often wondered if I would ever find someone since then who would stick around longer than a month. And then he came. He has been nothing I have expected, and everything all at once. He has made me less selfish. He teaches me patience. I have made him more domesticated. He takes me places he has probably been a million times and makes me think they are brand new adventures. He calls me “his girl” and put an exorbitant amount of presents under the Christmas tree for me. I have a set of pajamas and a toothbrush at his place. He makes the bed when he knows I am coming over. The sound of his snore at night is annoying and adorable and somehow comforting all at once. Even through all of this, I can’t honestly tell you if he is the one. I am enjoying his company and don’t want to wait too much longer to find out what the future holds for us, but at least I can say I know what it is like to cultivate a normal male/female relationship, and I know more of what I want now than I ever did 6 years ago.
So here we are midnight, at 36…I am not in an exotic place with my best friend getting ready to take on the world. I am in good ole Los Angeles, in my eerily quiet apartment, laying on my bed, flipping back and forth between Facebook and writing this blog. I will probably go to sleep soon and wake up early for a phone interview for yet another potential job opportunity. Then I will spend the day fielding much anticipated phone calls from friends and loved ones. I will certainly get in a workout (if it’s nice, by the ocean) and run a few errands before the evening, when I will have a sweet, semi-quiet birthday dinner with my boyfriend and two of my solid girlfriends. This may sound lame to some and amazing to others, but at 36, you start to appreciate the little things, quiet dinners with people you love, and you learn how to not care how everything sounds or looks to others and just worry about yourself and let life fall in place around you as it will.
